After, Later, Never, Now.
There’s a thing people tend to do that I find myself guilty of from time to time; albeit less than I used to. Well, actually there are two, but I’ll start with the first one first since that seems fitting.
It’s not uncommon for me to hold onto nice things. Whether it’s nice in a monetary sense, or perhaps a sentimental or nostalgic way. But sometimes I hold onto things that are meant to be used. It’s ironic that the nicer the thing that is meant to be used is, the harder it may be for me to use it.
The first thing.
A few quick examples that come to mind are things like spices or ingredients - the first time I bought saffron (the world’s most expensive spice), I was almost hesitant to use it. Or when I did I would use hardly any at all, which is almost worse.
It seems illogical to splurge on something lovely and either refuse to use it for its intended purpose, or use so sparingly I hardly got the full experience I set out for in the first place. And yet I found myself doing that with so many things that I owned.
Another example was a bottle of wine someone tried to share with me one day. I say tried, because they had waited for so long to open the wine that it had turned. They had opened it as it was a special day between us, so we both sipped it at the same time after clinking our glasses together in a cheers.
The taste of vinegar filled our mouths. While it certainly didn’t ruin our evening, it had certainly ruined the moment.
Wine is meant to be shared. Be it with friends, family, or lovers. By holding onto something longer than it was meant to be held on for, a thing meant to be consumed, savored, and shared was now none of those things.
The second thing.
The second thing people tend to do that I find myself guilty of from time to time, albeit less than I used to, is not appreciating something until it's gone.
For these examples, I’ll focus on relationships, because that’s where my mind went first.
It’s exciting to collect new experiences with people. To go on vacations together. Watch movies, or go to events and gatherings. Going on a date to a dimly lit restaurant to celebrate a special occasion, or just out to eat at noon on a Tuesday. It can be easier to appreciate those larger, more note-worthy moments. They often require some level of planning or scheduling, which leads to anticipation.
Those are easy things to acknowledge and appreciate sharing with another person. And at the end of a relationship, I have looked back and missed sharing those events with that person. Those very defined moments. But more often, I’d find myself thinking longingly for the small things. The minute, daily moments that wove through, almost unnoticeable except for the consistent feeling of warmth they gave.
In one of my relationships, whenever we held hands they’d keep their thumb moving slowly, back and forth over the back of my hand. Gently, just enough for me to know they were staying present and being mindful of my hand in theirs. To show they’re not taking my presence for granted. That they’re happy I’m there with them.
There are tons of examples like that - I think most relationships are filled with those little shared quirks and habits. But too often those things fade into the background, appreciated but maybe not always fully experienced every time.
Just like it’s important to use the nice things that are meant to be used, I try to also remain present to appreciate things as they happen, or else I may only be able to appreciate them once they’re gone.
Plus, noticing the little things makes everything a little warmer. A bit brighter. Better. I do my best to be truly present when I’m with someone else - it just makes sharing time mean that much more.
Anyways
That’s really all had on my mind. To remind myself to savor things. Not after, or later, or never. But now.
Until next time!
Warmly,
Evelyn