Our Secret Wants

Communication is sexy, and asking directly for what we want seems like it should be as natural and easy as breathing. We want it, we ask for it, and we (might) get it.

But when it comes to divulging our deepest desires, sometimes it’s a bit of a challenge. 

The reasons I hear for this most often have a pattern - shame, shyness, or fear of rejection. Maybe a combination of all these things. Unfortunately, these are often a learned response based on previous negative experiences. 

Being told our desires are weird, wrong, sinful, or unwelcome can be a hard hurdle to overcome. But recognizing that there are people out there who may be open, receptive, and welcoming is just as much of a reality. 

This doesn’t mean that the first person you respectfully share a desire with will be guaranteed to engage in that experience with you - consent is paramount, and it takes two (enthusiastically willing participants) to tango. 

But finally finding someone who is excited to take the leap with you? It’s indescribably satisfying, and so worth the effort and patience of seeking it out.  

Even knowing that, it can be difficult to ask. 

Which is why it brings me such joy when a lover is comfortable enough to share their innermost desires - that level of vulnerability and trust is such a precious thing!

I would never shame anyone for sharing their desires - that goes against all of my beliefs. If it turns out to be something that I’m not equipped to provide, I’d just kindly respond that I may not be the person best suited to indulge in that fantasy with you. 

I’m open minded and adore sharing experiences with my lovers. Fulfilling fantasies is a fantasy of mine! But realistically there are things that exist outside of my comfort zone or skill level. It would be disingenuous to claim otherwise. What I can honestly claim is that there would be no judgment or awkwardness.

But if it were something within my comfort zone and skill level… 

Well, then. The world just became our oyster, didn’t it?